so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
