I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
