I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
