Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
