I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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