How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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