Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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