I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
