dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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