Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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