Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
