You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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