Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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