If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
