Jerry, you need to find god
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
