Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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