yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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