I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
