my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
