shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
