My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
