I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
