the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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