3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
