I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
