Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
40s are totally the cure
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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