She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm sobbing to NWA
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
