Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i came on her dog
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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