It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
