Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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