and she was petting her beer can
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
