Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
