A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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