Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
