yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
