you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
