You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
