We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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