That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
two words...techno handjob
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
