The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
