i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize