I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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