we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's blow job season.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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