So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
