2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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