DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
