it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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