on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
