you traded sex for a burrito?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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