sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize