you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
