haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
