ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
