yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
