we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
