OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
