I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
