Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
