Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
