my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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