I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
