You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
