They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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