Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
