she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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