i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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