when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
