Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
