Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
