you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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