There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
